this page you will find decsriptions, excerpts and links to things
that I resonate to for various reasons.
Since I was eight years old, I have been graced with the presence
of a voice within the night. For the longest time, I gave this voice,
this presence no name - referring to her simply as "the Lady".
(I still do.) It is a title of reverence, not a name nor a description.
Over the years I have found and/or stumbled across other images and
descriptions of entities that I feel resonate closely to what I have
felt since the very beginning. These things have helped me (and sometimes
hindered me) in developing my own view towards what I can at times
commune with. Once finding an image to ascribe to something, sometimes
it's difficult to let that go - even when it becomes no longer necessary
to make use of that particular image.
Along the way I was also given images and/or names of my own, such
as Girreh and Iraya. I think it is these that I hold most dear. Simply
because they're personal, created by me out of my own experiences
tempered with the experiences of others who came before me.
all began with a young (eight years old) boy who suddenly, overnight,
thought that he was all alone in the world... that his entire life
up to that point had been a lie. I'm over it now, but it began with
the simple fact that I found out I was adopted (it seemed to me, at
the time) accidentally. I don't mean to belabour the point at this
stage of my life, and right now it really has no bearing on my life.
But this is the only way to relate what transpired. I was a wuss and
I freaked. I thought that, suddenly, this meant that everything I
had been told up to that point was a lie. So I wound up retreating
to a very deep, dark and lonely center. It was this that opened up
unto a beauty I cannot describe even to this day. I took to staring
at the night sky, in my self-begotten misery, and calling/crying out
for something, anything to answer in a world I thought was a distinctly
un-friendly place. What happened was that the sky actually answered!
First, as a feeling that I too was loved. A nurturing, all encompassing
bosom upon which to lay my weary head. Wave upon wave of sensation,
of the uttermost peace, would flood down from the stars and engulf
me. Solace, unconditional. I took to doing this nightly. I had discovered
a "friend", something in this world I could rely on.
Over the years I continued this, developing an unspoken bond with
that which I considered was "eternal" and "infinite",
for the feelings in which I was embraced were never-ending and ever-present.
It was during this time that I got the first inklings of an image
for her. For a while, I had this recurring dream in which a blue-skinned
woman was standing beneath a rainbow in a night sky, beckoning to
In my 'teens, (as most do) I discovered the art of writing. Poetry,
at first. (I have tons of stuff I would never show anyone, except
Leilah) But this taught me one very, very important thing. If you
let your mind loose, to go on it's various ways, sooner or later it
will strike home. I discovered that "the Lady" had a voice!
And this was something, that in the rare times it occurred, was very
distinct from my own voice.
Then I "discovered" Crowley.
a bit difficult being unbiased about this little "tome".
The truth of it is that Crowley has been both a bane and boon in my
life. This book was the first time I had been exposed to something
even remotely close to what I call "the Lady" coming from
someone else. In this sense, it will always hold a soft spot in my
heart. But it sent me off down a seven year path that I would sometimes
like to forget.
The first two chapters ring true, to me. It could be about Shiva and
Kali instead of Nuit and Hadit, it makes no difference. I've always
felt that the third chapter was, more or less, throwing Crowley a
bone, so to speak. The important bits are in the interplay between
Nuit and Hadit, ... the universal as opposed to the local approach.
Personally, I don't give a rat's ass whether Horus supplants Jesus/Osiris
and then Maat joins in later. The only thing that matters is the universal
approach. And Crowley did something towards that. He brought back
the idea of individual "Gnosis"... The idea that we all
have the direct experience of the universe, within ourselves.
This is what hit home, to me....But it was only by following Crowley's
"advice", to the letter, that I found the next piece.....
see, by following Crowley's "advice" (that one be well versed
in all religious/mythological and even scientific backgrounds), I
began to read voraciously. The link above takes you to an obscure
part of the "Nag Hammadi Library" - a collection of early
This particular text is unique to this collection in that it is the
only one to take its own, contradictory form. Why I resonated to this
since the moment I found it is that "the lady" has spoken
to me in such ways, using the balancing of what seems to be "opposites"
to make a point. What I learned, much later on through Crowley's babblings
and my own thought was this - that such examples as what may seem
to be opposite one another (such as hot and cold, for instance) are
meaningless unless you posit a neutral, middling point to begin with.
But the above example is still, to me, an example of her voice, expressing
things in the only way we can understand - by boggling the mind to
the point of comprehension without words.
What follows is a direct quote from "The Vision and the Voice",
by Crowley. All I can say to this one is that this is what happened
to me when I was eight years old. It took me a while to work my way
through Crowley's books until I came across this, though.
"Every man that hath seen me forgetteth
me never, and I appear oftentimes in the coals of the fire, and upon
the smooth white skin of woman, and in the constancy of the waterfall,
and in the emptiness of deserts and marshes, and upon great cliffs
that look seaward; and in many strange places, where men seek me not.
And many thousand times he beholdeth me not. And at last I smite myself
into him as a vision smiteth into a stone, and whom I call must follow."
The above is what I have lived my life by. For
she has ever been within my heart. For she has never been forgotten.
In a sense, this has driven me mad, for I have always striven after
that which I cannot grasp, that which is as elusive as a breeze upon
the waters at night, which can be felt but not held. I fell in love
with a whisper, when I did not even hear what it was saying... And
I have seen her in bright sunlight, in darkened shadow, in the rainbow
glimmerings of dew upon the petals of a flower, or the strands of
a spiderweb; and I have seen her in the flight of birds, in the resonance
of the surf, and in the clouds scudding across the sky with their
many colours reflected... I have seen her within the world and within
the hearts of others....
All of these moments of brief ecstasy....
Below is a link to a little tome called "31 Hymns to the Star
Goddess". The author was a disciple of Crowley, so of course
his writings are directed towards the Crowleyish conception of Nuit.
But there were many similarities to what I had felt, especially after
I discovered Crowley & the Book of the Law for myself.
all this, I went back to Egypt to find where Uncle Al drew some of
this from. Egyptian religion can be confusing, at times, with various
gods & goddesses merging into one another over the course of time.
Below is the best page I've found on-line which represents Nut (Nuit)
in Egyptian terms.
I came across the religion of ancient Greece, most notably in Ovid's
"Metamorphosis" and Hesiod's "Theogony". I cannot
find any page or pages on-line which reproduce the full text of either
of these, but the sites below give relevant excerpts. In Greece, she
was called "Nyx" - in Rome, "Nox".
the Greeks, as well as the Egyptians, the Night was a formative, primordial
spirit. Not the source of all creation, but one of the earliest of
things created, from which much else followed. One of the interesting
aspects of the Greek depiction of Night is that she gave birth to
various beings without a partner. A theme which is mirrored in the
Gnostic perception of the Pistis-Sophia.
this was written quite a few years ago when I still hadn't gotten
Crowley quite out of my head... ;-)
Simply put, to approach "the Lady",
you just have to feel, and allow yourself to open up. For she is a
subtle spirit, and speaks in many ways. She can be approached in darkness
or light, through sound or silence. For me, my fondest memories of
"communion" are when I just sat or lay under the stars and
opened myself up to them. There comes a point at which the sky both
"sucks you into it" and simultaneously "drops down
upon you". There is really no rational way to explain this....
If you open yourself up to the living sky, all you will find is Love.....
seek Night, expose yourself to the
infinity of shining darkness we call sky.
Lay while looking outwards. Observe sky become three dimensional,
no mere flat surface which is noticed once in a while during our travels.
Watch as the background to stars takes on depth. Let this pull you
gently into its warm embrace.
Once an idea of how vast infinity is has been felt, feel what it is
like to have always been this way. To be so vast, opening arms to
all; yet to seldom feel an embrace in return. Each of us carries the
conception of infinity within us. All it takes is silence to unveil
Sky floats & spins. Motion eternal. She is the dance, as well
as the dancer. We all constantly dance within Her, yet rarely dance
with Her. She has been cast off like an old, useless god for which
there are no followers. She wants lovers, not disciples. She asks
nothing, wants nothing. She is generous beyond imagination. And She
rite to Her can be done thusly. It does not require presence under
a clear sky but is done indoors.
Perform any kind of circle invocation, vibrating names at the four
quarters. I have adapted Crowley's LIBER XXV to this purpose and have
found it to work for me. Any rite that establishes a circle around
one's self will do. Personal preference will ultimately determine
what is to be used.
When I first began using this rite, I was attempting to create a permanent
circle around me. I performed this, twice a day, every day for six
months without fail. I got various results during this time, depending
upon mood, inclination and setting. Sometimes ceremonial approaches
just do not work. Keep this in mind.
After the circle has been established, face whichever point you began
from and trace in the air this sign , in a deep blue colour.
from the top, hands together, using both hands to trace the sides
and joining together again at the bottom. Once this has been done,
visualize it as a window unto sky. Fill the interior with stars &
this can be done comfortably, "step through" the
window to be afloat within the vastness of the
Lady. Or simply sit before the window and call through it.
Something will answer.
This window may become a gateway to many things. All experiences through
this are personal. There is no one set way to go about things.
After the rite is finished, as an ending and to close the window,
re-trace the figure in reverse. Start from the bottom and go up, hands
meeting again at the top. Recite a silent adoration (or aloud) and
end with some significator of Silence. (The sign of Harpocrates works
well, but this is a personal preference due to my Crowley background.)
Infinity has many faces and many forms. There is no need to view what
I call "the Lady" as a
woman. This is how it is revealed unto me. This is what I can comprehend.
Any approach to Her is valid. Feeling and intent are what counts,
not style and form. Rituals may be composed of any actions or of no
actions. All directed unto Her, the glistening sky at night, the mirror
of infinity to the soul.
I would like to announce The
House of Night - writings, book excerpts and more....